Understanding your Inner Critic

Have you ever noticed how quickly your inner critic shows up?

“You shouldn't have eaten that.”
“You need to work harder.”
“You'd be happier if your body looked different.”
“You should have known better.”

The inner critic can be so dang quick to rear its head. When we’ve heard these thoughts so many times, we start to assume they're true. We may not even notice them anymore.

What I hope you take away from this is that just because you learned a way of thinking, doesn't mean it's the truth.

Your inner critic came from somewhere… but where?

We're not born knowing that our bodies aren't good enough, that making a mistake means we've failed, or that we need to constantly improve ourselves.

That voice develops over time. It can be planted and grow through diet culture, sports, experiences in our healthcare system, social media, generational beliefs, relationships, or even watching the people around you criticize themselves.

So when your inner critic shows up, try asking:

“Where might I have learned this?”

The intention is not to blame anyone but to poke a hole in a pattern of thought. We’re not just accepting the thought as truth and responding to it. We’re questioning it.

Sometimes understanding that this is something I learned creates a little space between you and the thought.

Your inner critic may think it's helping

This can feel strange because the inner critic is, well...critical but often criticism develops as a way of trying to protect us.

Notice when it comes up - what could it be protecting you from? Maybe being hard on yourself helped you feel accepted or perfectionism helped you avoid failure.

Maybe monitoring your food or your body helped you feel in control or comparing yourself to others helped you figure out how to fit in.

If your inner critic had a job description, what would it say?

“I keep you from being rejected.”
“I make sure you don't mess up.”
“I keep you motivated.”
“I protect you from getting hurt.”

Understanding the function of your inner critic doesn't mean agreeing with it. It means getting curious about what it's trying to accomplish. Poking holes in our pattern of thought.

Try this: Get curious before you correct

The next time you notice a critical thought, pause before arguing with it or accepting it as truth (just try it please).

Ask: What might it be trying to protect me from? What need is underneath it?

Once you understand the need underneath the criticism you can begin finding more effective and compassionate ways to meet that need.

You don't have to get rid of your inner critic

I don't believe that healing means you'll never have another critical thought. We can’t unthink thoughts.

You're human. Your brain is going to produce thoughts you don't particularly enjoy.

The goal isn't necessarily to silence your inner critic. It's to stop letting it have the final word.

When your inner critic says:

“I'm having a really hard body image day.”

Try adding:

“...and I can still show up for myself and the people I love today.”

When it says:

“Everyone else seems to have it together.”

Try:

“...and I only see a small piece of other people's lives.”

When it says:

“I shouldn't have eaten that.”

Try:

“...and eating isn't something I have to earn.”

Notice that we're not replacing every negative thought with an aggressively positive one.

You don't have to go from “I hate my body” to “I LOVE MY BODY!” I wouldn’t dare tell anyone to do that. The audacity.

Sometimes the most helpful response is simply a little more honest, compassionate, and spacious.

Practice adding another voice

This is the part I really want you to practice.

When you notice your inner critic, don't necessarily try to make it disappear.

Add another voice.

Perhaps it's compassionate. Curious, maybe? Could be factual or realistic.

Maybe it simply says:

“I'm noticing I'm being really hard on myself right now.”

That's it. That’s enough. What we practice becomes easier to access.

The more often you practice creating space between a thought and believing it, the more familiar that space can become.

So the next time your inner critic shows up, try:

Notice:What is it saying?
Understand:Where might I have learned this? What is it trying to protect me from?
Respond:What is another voice I could add?

You don't have to get rid of your inner critic. Just don't have to let it have the last word. Poke holes.

Warmly,

Alli